Tarot Reading April 13

This morning was a fine morning. Not particularly good. Not bad. I tend to separate my mornings into two parts. (In my head)

Part One is getting ready, getting the kids ready, getting everybody off to school.

Then the second part is "my morning." I have a moment to come back home and breath. Take care of myself, maybe eat a bite, before I let the anxiety of the day and what I should be doing, take over.

I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life. I'm 35. Going to be 36 later this year. Crossroads might even be the wrong word. I'm at a place in my life, where I am finally asking myself, "What do you want?" A question that I'm not sure I ever asked myself. My mother passed recently and I'm really grappling with whether or not I'm actually going crazy, I'm just dealing with grief I don't understand, or the entire world is going crazy and there is not future, so everything I'm doing is just fine.

Anyways, These are some of the thoughts and anxieties that are running through my head.

So I'm sort of pacing and setting up my room. I light my incense, light 3 candles. For no reason in particular. Just something I've felt called to do lately.

I'm very intentional about room set-up. For no other reason, really, than it just feels right for me. It helps me ease into my work.

I open a couple windows and turn the heat up.

I have always done this, even since I was a child. My dad schooled me on it in my earlier years and now it's my husband who does. Though I know they both secretly like it too.

So anyways. None of this particularly matters. I'm just setting the scene for you.

So I've been watching a lot of influencers lately on Instagram mostly. (My chosen platform. (I'm a Millennial through and through.))

The side of the internet I spend most of my time in is the woo-woo, astrology, conspiracy mumbo jumbo blah blah blah stuff. You get it.

So I've seen a few influencers lately, talking about how and when and where and why we should address our spirit guides directly.

Because I do claim to be a student of the Earth, but not a GOOD one (Teehee). That's about all I remember from the videos I've seen. Though each video had a specific message they were asking their spirit guides for and specific directions on what I should do in order to receive my own message.

I felt confident with the key points that I remembered. Which were:

1) Address your spirit guides directly and 2) Talk to them!

So That's what I decided to do.

So again, I'm pacing. So I just start talking out loud.

"Hello."

"I'm talking to my spirit guides."

At this point I'm talking loud. Haha. Like I'm trying to throw my voice through the veil, like I even understand how any of this works, really.

I'm just rambling. I'm saying things like "what the heck am I supposed to do?" "I don't want to waste this life." "Give me a sign please." "HELP ME."

So then I quiet back up. Still sort of pacing and I think, I should pull Tarot. It's been a while. I've read Tarot for many years, but not well. Never without the book. I wouldn't in any way claim to be an expert. However, it's a tool that I use. The Tarot deck in specific that I have, was given to me by my mother on my 31st and Golden birthday. It has always been deeply special to me, but since she has passed, I feel like it has really become a tool that I feel obliged to not misuse.

So naturally, I've just been scared to use it at all.

I think this was maybe the 2nd or 3rd time I had pulled it out and actually pulled cards from the deck since she died.

I start shuffling and my skills that never fully developed are pretty rusty. I'm trying to do it quick and slick and my hands are just not cooperating.

3 cards fall to the floor before I even have a chance to cut the deck. I normally don't like this, because I like to be in control and choose my own cards, but today, it didn't really bother me.

Immediately, a voice in my head says, "Past, Present, Future."

I say, "Okay." I pick them up, just as they lay, in the order they lay and here they are:

8 Of Cups

6 Of Wands

Daughter Of Wands

*Note that the deck I have interchanges the Court for the Family. So the Daughter is the Page. The deck I have also does not to interpret reverse cards. Though I always look further into the definition with other books I own, because I like all the information to make my own decision on what fits best.

I'm not sure yet how I feel about the importance of whether or not we should right the cards, or read them as they lay, I lean towards righting all the cards and reading them for face value. But I don't make the rules, I'm just trying to make sense of all this.

So I start with the 8 Of Cups. My book is covered in notes. I've filled many of the pages, not all of them, with extra notes to aid in my education of and understanding of the cards.

Some pages are more full than others.

I've also labelled each card on the pages with either yes, no, or maybe. The pages are stuffed full of dried flowers, pictures, prayer cards and other notes. The 8 Of Cups in my book, happens to be one of the more empty pages. "No" is written in the top right corner and I have outlined the picture in pink. That's all that this page offers. The summary of the card is basically this; an urgent message to move on, start anew, stagnation is occurring, move forward.

I say, "Okay."

Normally, these "No" cards bother me.

I don't like being told no.

The feeling of them feels negative to me, even though I've read time and time again that those attachments are not necessarily accurate and definitely are not helpful.

But I hear the words and because this card is specifically, in my mind, referring to my past. I'm like, "Yes, good, move forward. Always. Not mad about that advice."

Again, this book does not interpret reverse cards, however this card is in reverse, so I look to my other Tarot book for further insights.

First I read about the card itself, before it's reverse definition.

More of the same; What is being had, is not matching ones desires, this card shows up when it's time to move on.

A sentence that stuck out to me; "When you say goodbye to one thing, you are also saying hello to something else."

Love that. Though that one sentence felt like a total gut punch to this grieving daughter.

So I move on to the reverse definition. To sum it up, basically saying that perhaps I could have been shown and already know the way out, but for some reason I am staying.

"Okay." I say again. I'm listening. "UGH." I hear you.

So I move on to the 6 Of Wands. The Present.

This page is also rather empty. Though the card is a yes, so I'm already feeling that I'm energetically moving in the right direction.

The card summarizes that new life is taking hold, that if I am not enjoying success right now, that it is on its way. The obstacles have been plentiful, but all that work is not for nothing and better days are on the horizon.

I move onto my other book to explore deeper.

I'm reading about feeling like a celebrity, celebrating and receiving my gifts, recognition for my efforts, following the law of attraction.

I'm thinking, at this point. Yes, I'm hearing you and this is all the stuff I have been telling myself.

Sometimes these readings for me are frustrating, because I just want someone to TELL ME WHAT TO DO. No signs. No interpretations. JUST TELL ME, PLEASE.

Yes, the boomer capitals are necessary. Because, lets get real. A little clarity in 2026 would be fucking nice.

Again though, this card is reversed, so I read the reversed definition to see if this offers me any deeper insight.

The Reverse definition is basically saying that the fruits of your labor are already here and for some reason you are choosing not to receive them because perhaps I feel like they are not good enough or I am not good enough for them.

Well damn Universe. Okay. I hear that LOUD and clear.

And shoot. You may not be totally wrong. I can feel that I have blocks around receiving.

So then I move onto the card of the future. The Daughter (or Page) Of Wands.

This page is filled to the brim with notes. It's a "Yes" page. It has the Element Fire on it, the Planet Mars, the Astrological sign Aries.

My Mother's Astrological sign is Aries.

Also, tucked into the page was a picture of my mom standing with 2 of her siblings and my grandma and my great aunt.

As I read the definition, I start sobbing.

I underlined a part of the definition from the author that reads, "Stronger than she looks."

The last line of her definition reads, "a woman going through a transformation or spiritual breakthrough."

Beautiful.

Yes mom. It felt like she was talking to me. She always said I was strong, though most of the time those words felt like an attack.

The notes I wrote in the margins are things like, Adventure is calling, trust yourself, do what you want, you are on the verge of discovering a path to a secure future.

Holy crap.

Okay. I'm really listening.

So I again, one last time for this reading, hop on over to my other book and see what this book has to say. Again, this book is telling me that I am receiving a message. A beautiful sentiment considering how this reading began for me. In the personal/spiritual section of this book, the definition describes a person who is sensitive, an empath; who has felt misunderstood as they have moved through life. Who as they age, they realize that their talents are actually helping to heal. Something I have felt so drawn to. Especially as of recent, but really my whole life.

Trying to build a successful business and brand, but leading with love for the Earth and others and leading with strong morals on not being wasteful or spreading negative energy or stepping on anyone is hard because this world is not built for that. It would be easy to just chase my dreams with no regard for others, but it is just not something that inherently I can do.

So then I made a few phone calls. Shortened up my todo list, some. Making phone calls is usually the hardest part of my todo list.

Also anything related to the computer or anything that I "have" to do.

This website, though it started and still is something I created, so it is something I very much am chosing to do. The work to get it where I want it to be, feels like something I "have" to do.

So this little passion project I have started, doubles as a roadblock for me most days.

But I got onto this computer and I wrote this blog post because it is a goal of mine and the cards are telling me to move forward.

Try